Irish singing sensation, Daniel O’Donnell, has been voted the world’s blandest music act in an online poll by readers of heavy metal magazine Kerrang.
The clean-cut mammy’s boy was in ‘great form altogether’ and ‘ecstatic at the news’ as he spoke from his home on the west coast of Ireland: ‘Ah, sure this is tremendjus for me so it is. And now to be honest with you, I’ve regarded myself and my music as pretty bland for as long as I can remember, but to have been confirmed as the world’s blandest act is just a dream come true.’
Kerrang Editor, Dave Blatt, explains: ‘It was neck-and-neck between Sir Cliff Richard and Daniel after we totted up the thirty online responses we received, so I was asked to make the final decision, and Dan’s covers of the Jim Reeves classics, Distant Drums and He’ll have to go, just swung it in the end. They were so schmaltzy and…well…just so hideously bland.’
A clearly disappointed Sir Cliff commented: ‘I thought I would’ve had this category sewn up, but after hearing Daniel’s latest album I have to admit they probably have made the right choice. In fact his stuff has made me feel quite ballsy and cutting-edge.’
Meanwhile Des O’Connor was said to be inconsolable when the news was broken to him by his manager.