Police arrest Stock Aitken and Waterman in connection with historic crimes against music

Following a raid at an address in Manchester it’s understood that three men have been arrested by police and are being questioned regarding historic crimes against music dating back to the mid-1980s.

Greater Manchester Police has not named the men but its widely believed that they are Mike Stock, Matt Aitken, and Pete Waterman, the three shadowy masterminds behind the PWL record label that saw Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan and Bananarama all rise to fame singing the same bloody song over and over and over again.

Professor of Contemporary Music at Imperial College, Martin Emerson, explains: ‘Nearly every one of their songs consisted of the same chords, in the same key, at the same tempo of 120 beats per minute, and all used the same instrumentation and an effing drum machine playing an identical pattern. Quite honestly the repetitive nature of their output made Status Quo sound groundbreaking and innovative.’

It’s believed that one act signed to the label, Rick Astley, who only managed to escape their clutches by pretending to go and make some tea during a marathon 72 hour recording session, has now decided to blow the whistle and will be instrumental in providing evidence in any forthcoming action to be brought against the three.

When approached by BBC’s Panorama Jason Donovan was remaining tight lipped saying nothing but Kylie Minogue did give a brief reply: ‘You’d like me to tell you about what it was like working for them? You should be so lucky!’

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