Church set to put some fizz into the Mass as congregation numbers continue to dwindle

In a bid to bolster dwindling congregation numbers and appeal to a younger demographic, The Catholic Church is to replace traditional altar wine with Prosecco as part of the communion ceremony.

‘Transubstantiation is stuck in the past,’ says Father Pascal O’Hare ‘And Rome is to be congratulated here for taking this forward step to try and bring us into the 21st century. Ladies love Prosecco, so we expect to see our Mass attendance figures rocket when the change is implemented as they will drag more of their menfolk through the door.’

And TV wine expert Olly Smith agrees: ‘What could liven up the boring old Mass better than a sharp and zinging bit of fizz? The perfect choice!’

If the experiment proves to be a success then it’s believed the traditional plain bread wafer may be substituted with a sour cream and chive Pringle. “Now wouldn’t that be grand? Sure t’would turn the Mass into more of a nibbles party,’ enthuses Father O’Hare.

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