‘Don’t make me angry, you won’t like me when I’m angry’ warns Trump

Right hard-case and total mad nutter bastard, President Donald Trump, has told reporters that unlike that guy at Parkland last week, ‘a guy who was a total disgrace by the way’, that he would not hesitate for a second going into a ‘live shooter’ situation armed only with his bare hands if he had to.

Speaking during a White House briefing earlier today he said: ‘I’m one rough tough bad hombre. One of the roughest toughest baddest hombres that there is in the world, FACT! I’m the hardest President there has ever been, So So hard, and let me tell you, so great also. Just the greatest. There’s nothing that I’m afraid of and I mean nothing at all. WOW!’

Subsequently White House sources have reported that the attending press pack then all ran screaming for their lives after witnessing such an awesome display of brooding and terrifying testosterone-driven strength. ‘These schmucks are not like the President. Just a bunch of fake news-peddling snowflakes and I expect that they are now still hiding behind their Mom’s sofas,’ said a lickspittle for Mr Trump.

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