As if you needed it confirmed, eating curry is really good for you – and that’s official.

In a study carried out by the University of Lancaster, findings categorically show that the person who eats a belting hot curry of a Friday night is five times more likely to live to the ripe old age of 123.

But the bad news for those who do not indulge, statistically a pro-Brexit xenophobe called something like Cyril and always say: ‘I only like plain cooking, me. Meat and two veg that’s my favourite. Or maybe a nice cheese and pickle sandwich. I can’t be doing with any foreign food, it doesn’t agree with me and you haven’t a clue what’s in it,’ can expect to peg out on average at about age 65.

Dr Alan Reece, who carried out the study says: ‘There are certain chemicals and nutrients in a nice hot curry, that when taken in moderation, say on a Friday or a Saturday night, interact with the body’s gizmos to produce healthy whatchamacallits and that’s the secret here’.

‘Those eating our stodgy boring British food inflame their thingummybobs and as we all know, that’s a pretty bad recipe for a healthy body and long life.’

‘Girls who eat mild kormas and the like, have some of the curry benefits but they also run the risks associated with the meat and two veg brigade. So my advice is stock up on the Andrex and pump up the heat ladies!’