Another day and it’s another award, and in the face of some very tough competition, specifically Donald Trump and Michael McIntyre, Boris Johnson has been awarded ‘Pillock of the year 2017’.

Head of the judging panel, Alan Morrison, told reporters: ‘It was always going to be a close thing between Boris and Trump as we immediately discounted McIntyre, because quite simply, he’s just a bit of an irritating wazzock. What we were really focusing on was an individual’s propensity to open their gob without thinking, or for no other reason than to selfishly further only their own importance and position, and speak an absolute crock of unmitigated unjoined-up shite. And when we considered this from every angle then it really just had to be Boris. He consistently smashes it out of the park every time he says anything.’

A source close to The Foreign Secretary confirmed that he’s ‘moderately comfortable’ about picking up the gong, adding that when he heard the news he said: ‘It’s nice to get recognition in life, and after all, against a strong field like that then I have to say a win’s a win. As my old Latin Master would have said, Ut victor spolia, so jolly well done me! Bravo!’