Mrs Slocombe’s pussy gets a fresh airing at ‘The Fannies’

With the awards season in full swing, a doyenne of British farce and smutty innuendo, Mollie Sugden, was awarded a posthumous Fellowship, the highest accolade possible, during last night’s prestigious Fannies ceremony held at London’s swanky Dorchester hotel.

The Fannies, now in their second year, are awarded for exceptional performances when delivering classic British double entendre and ill-concealed pure filth, with this year’s guest list for the glittering show a veritable who’s who of smut and camp.

Accepting the award on Mollie’s behalf was none other than national treasure Barbara Windsor, who addressed the packed banqueting suite.

‘This is absolutely fantastic and I am sure Mollie would’ve been delighted. I was in my kitchen just putting some butter on my baps when I sensed somebody was fiddling with my flap. I tottered down the hall and there was the letter asking me to pick this award up on behalf of Mol; half-suck inside my slot if you please. I was truly delighted as I haven’t had anything as exciting as that near my box in such a long time!’

Speaking after the ceremony, Hugh Jannockers, Ms Sugden’s long-time agent said: ‘Oh what a crying shame that dear dear dear Mollie never lived to see this day. Although had she done so I’d have been concerned for her pussy. It has been quite a marathon ceremony here this evening, with them all banging on for so long, and as I’m sure we all remember, she was unaccustomed to keeping her pussy closed up for such a long period.’

Mollie’s showbiz pal, Mike Berry, Mr Spooner in Are You Being Served, who loved nothing better than to play with Mollie, was unavailable for comment as it is believed that he is now a virtual recluse, rarely emerging from his cottage in the Chalfonts. 

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