Tories to replace plans for National Identity Cards with ‘enhanced’ Nectar Cards

It’s widely believed in Westminster that the Government intends to announce the permanent shelving of plans to introduce the much talked-about and some say controversial National Identity Card scheme.

Amber Rudd will make the announcement in a key-note speech in London tomorrow. It is thought that the reasoning behind this u-turn is the spiraling costs that would be incurred to implement the legislation and its resultant ongoing administration. However it can be revealed that just in case you thought the issue was going to be scrapped completely…then think again, because mandarins have been working tirelessly to implement what is now a well-advanced plan B.

A Westminster insider has suggested that it will involve changing the emphasis from a National ID card to an enhanced Nectar Award Card scheme. Said a government spokesman: ‘We understand that there are already 14 million Nectar Card holders in the UK and civil servants think that this is more than enough to get the ‘ball rolling. We will then add more people whenever they visit Salisbury’s until everyone is eventually signed up.’

‘In future every time a card holders use their card, the Government computer will latch onto their details and start tracking their every movement in a sinister way, yet in a way we are assured, that is beneficial to the safety of country and the well-being of its inhabitants.’

Welcoming the idea Boris Johnson has suggested that eventually bonus points could be awarded for ‘model citizens’ who behaved themselves and promised not to get involved in anything contrary to Government plans and policy. ‘You know, becoming radicalised and all that sort of rot?’

He went on to add: ‘I mean, what a simply splendid idea! The scheme could be a real boon to people who could either redeem their points all year round for cash or else use them to get discount on their big shop at Christmas.

Meanwhile Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyn, is reported to be furious as he doesn’t have a Nectar card and won’t be able to reap any of the benefits whatsoever.

 

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