Adam Bradley from Luton, a staunch advocate of Brexit, has told of a harrowing ordeal he suffered at the hands of a nice middle class French family, claiming he was sensationally kidnapped as he walked down his local High Street.
‘I had just bought my Daily Mail, Sun and Telegraph and was heading home, looking forward to reading what the dole scroungers and foreigners were up to now, when someone threw a sack over my head and I was bundled into the back an old Citroen 2CV and drugged.’
He then went on to explain how he awoke in a Paris suburb, as a house guest of the Bertillon family where he was invited to watch several black and white Art films with only English subtitles to give him a clue what was going on.
‘But the worst bit was when they asked me peel this white bulb-thing, crush it up and add it to something they called Coq-au-Vin. Then I had to suffer the humiliation of sitting and eating it later that evening, all washed down with what Monsieur Bertillon called ‘a very quaffable full-bodied red’. It was just almost too horrific for words.’
Mr Bradley says the ordeal only ended when he was finally released at Calais Ferry Terminal with a first class ticket, but not before his captors had taken him to an authentic French wedding as a guest of honour where he was given a seat at the top table. ‘They said they meant me no harm at all. But if that’s European living then they can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. Thank God we voted leave!’
Nigel Farage has appealed for calm and urged Brexit supporters not to take the law into their own hands. ‘Look, this is what Europeans do. They’re friendly and hospitable. Just like us… and they…erm…no, wait a minute…’