Television repair men have welcomed the new series of Masterchef, as once again its transmission has seen a massive spike in their workload with reports of an epidemic of broken sets across the nation..

Simon Travers, of Telefixit Weston Super Mare, explains: ‘Our industry loves it whenever Masterchef is on because people all over the country begin to hurl whatever they can get their hands on at their sets every time Gregg Wallace appears bellowing and gurning on screen. Me and the wife had a month in The Bahamas at a five star resort after the last series. It’s great.’

One disgruntled viewer, Simone Williams, told us: ‘The guy knows fuck all about cooking but there he is on the screen pulling faces and going on as if he has the first clue. If I was a contestant he’d end up wearing my dish if he had the nerve to criticize it. I can’t imagine there’s a day goes by when he doesn’t pinch himself really very bloody hard indeed. He’s just a monumental wazzock!’

Meanwhile co-presenter, properly qualified chef and restaurateur, John Torode, was keeping a low profile refusing to be drawn into the debate. However a source close to the affable Aussie commented: ‘John doesn’t want to say anything about it. At least not until he gets any prints and all associated digital picture files Gregg’s keeping hidden in a safe somewhere.’