Don’t panic Mr Juncker as May’s Army to hit screens in Brexit movie

Following the Tory government’s totally inept bungling since the EU referendum, with its hapless cack-handed handling of the Brexit negotiations, a new film is understood to be in production chronicling all the behind-the-scenes goings on and preposterous hoopla.

May’s Army, a modern day comedy parody of the much loved Dad’s Army, sees a group of hopeless misfits and incompetents who fail at absolutely everything they attempt ending up as the laughing stock of Europe. And sensationally in a move that might require cinema-goers to adopt quite a considerable amount of the suspension of disbelief, senior cabinet ministers have agreed to play starring roles.

Theresa May will play Sergeant Wilson, a well-meaning but completely ineffectual lightweight. Ever-keen to not offend anyone as she spends the entire film achieving nothing whatsoever. Brexit Secretary, David Davis, gives a rollicking performance as Private Godfrey, a doddery old codger who is forever getting caught short.

Liam Fox as Private Frazer runs around looking miserable and continually shouting ‘We’re doomed if we delay Brexit! Doomed, I tell ye!’ Michael Gove as Private Pike puts in a great turn and shows a wonderful aptitude for portraying a gormless simpleton, meanwhile Iain Duncan-Smith as Lance Corporal  Jones is completely surplus to requirement, just like his character was in Dad’s Army for years on end.

But the star turn surely goes to Boris Johnson as Captain Mainwaring, a bumptious, self-aggrandising, arrogant buffoon with delusions of grandeur, which, rather tragically for him, he will never be able to fulfill.

The film is due for release, just like Brexit’s completion, Christ alone knows when.

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