In what’s being seen as the most sensational development since the dawn of time, Garok, an extraterrestrial from the star system Beta Sigma, has opened a Twitter account causing traffic on the site to go into total meltdown and sparking widespread panic.
A spokesman for Twitter said Garok’s arrival has attracted so much interest that servers cannot possibly cope and fears are now growing that middle class couples may have to start talking to each other again unless extra resources can be diverted to keep the site running normally.
The alien life-form has been wowing its 475 million (and rapidly climbing) followers, believed to be the site’s fastest growing account ever, with a stream of tweets since yesterday evening in its native Glark. NASA is feeding the tweets into a super-computer which is translating. Garok’s first tweet read:
“Tygfrds32£$ I Rdeokluhbv TTttffrds ~~DEATH TO ALL EARTHLINGS!~~ juytopmiii mou.”
These complex messages are represented here by standard characters, because no-one can actually copy Garok’s language, not even permanently-grinning former D Ream keyboardist turned top science bloke, Prof Brian Cox, as it doesn’t really exist in a form that simple ordinary folk like us can understand. Tweets manifest themselves in the mind of an Emperor Penguin called Billy, who then makes patterns in the snow which boffins decipher to ultimately translate Garok’s musings.
Prof. Barney Lingholm told The New Yorker: ‘As soon as the first tweet was picked up by our monitoring station we knew we were onto something a bit special. Excitement is at fever pitch here and we just can’t wait to see what Garok has to tell mankind in the coming months.”
Hight Priest of Twitter, Stephen Fry, has welcomed Garok to Twitter by tweeting What joy of joys! Oh frabjous day kaloo kalay! Garok, welcome to Twitter m’new chum. Hope to get to know you well.
Meanwhile Garok has caused considerable speculation by only having followed one account; that of Great British Bake Off Judge, Paul Hollywood.