Reports are emerging that Her Majesty The Queen is believed to be letting her love of the sport of Kings get out of control, with sources saying she is neglecting matters of state and that she has become heavily addicted to gambling on horses.

Monarchs spend all day sitting on a throne, dressed in ermine robes, wearing a crown and dispensing wisdom to every corner of their realm. But not so the current incumbent it seems. Since Thursday she’s been conspicuously absent from the throne chamber in Windsor Castle but was spotted several times over the weekend at nearby Ascot racecourse.

On-course turf accountant ‘Honest’ Lenny Rodgers, told The Racing Post: ‘I don’t know if I should be telling you this like pal, cos I’ll probably end up in the tower or sumfink. But anyway, I’m stood here on me pitch Saturday and up comes Her Majesty wif The Dook.’We’ll have a monkey on Lucky Jo-Jo on the two-thirty she says,’ and then get this…’As we are the Queen of course we do not carry actual money on our person, that would be unspeakably vulgar, but please do trust us my good man – we are good for it should our selection prove unsuccessful.’

‘Well what could I do like? continued Lenny, ‘I ‘ad to take the bet, but I’ll tell you this, she was more than happy to carry ‘er bleedin’ winnings off half an hour later in ‘er handbag. No bother at all!”