In what’s being seen as a last gasp by both men to save their ailing television careers, Bob Carolgees and Jamie Carragher have announced that they have formed a partnership and will go on a new double act theatre tour later his year.

In a press conference held at Manchester’s upmarket Piccadilly Hotel, Carlogees met the media with his right arm half-buried up Carragher’s arse as Jamie perched on his lap. The twosome quickly had the assembled media hacks rolling off their chairs as Bob quipped a series of one-liners and Jamie gave threatening looks to reporters and then occasionally flobbed over those unlucky enough to be seated in the front two rows.

‘Likechhh, this a great opportunity for us both,’ said Jamie as he unleashed a salvo of slimy flob all over The Mail’s Football Editor, Denis Matthews, as hapless Bob gave him a trademark ‘good flea in his ear’ while asking him ‘to behave.’

After the conference ended a muzzled Carragher was led out to the hotel’s kennels for a can of Pedigree Chum while Bob took some more informal questions as  everyone else enjoyed a finger-buffet.