Multiple reports are coming in via spiritualists and mediums, suggesting that the dear departed are facing a wait of up to ten hours to be processed through the Golden Gates of Heaven.

Details are sketchy but one medium, Doris Wilkes, says her spirit guide Geronimo told her: ‘Everything was going a smooth as usual until early this morning some bloke turned up. A bit of an odd-looking sort with large protruding teeth and spiky uncombed hair, even dafter than Boris Johnson’s, and since then he’s been at the gates telling St Peter joke after joke after joke and refusing to have his papers stamped and go inside.’

Geronimo went on to report that the recently deceased queuing up behind the man were becoming fractious and there were fears that scuffles could possibly break out.

It’s understood that St Peter has dispatched one of the angels to go and get a crook to pull the man through the gates to clear hold up.


RIP Ken Dodd