Car enthusiasts from all over the country have been flocking to a one-mile stretch of road in Norfolk that’s now believed to be the longest remaining continuous stretch of carriageway in Britain today that does not have potholes every three yards.
Speaking from the location in Long Stratton, Mr Clarkson, an unfashionably poodle-permed driving enthusiast from Chipping Norton in Oxfordshire, told BBC news, ‘I have had my car shipped all the way here on the back of a low-loader so as I can experience this. Because had I chanced driving it here on our roads then it would have been completely destroyed beyond repair… and it’s worth a blooming fortune. You see, I just want to get the feeling of motoring in Britain for one last time without having to swerve all over the carriageway to dodge these bloody potholes that are now everywhere.’
Then to loud cheers from the assembled crowd he got behind the steering wheel of the 1950 Ferrari Testa Rossa and set off down the stretch of the A140 towards Norwich at considerable speed. When he returned some sixty seconds later he said ‘Wow! I’m totally elated after that. It was the most invigorating experience I’ve had on a British road in five years. Shame about the cop hiding behind the tree with a radar gun, but you can’t have everything as we are in the UK after all.’
Meanwhile Transport Minister, Chris Grayling, was quick to defend the government’s record on roads and infrastructure. ‘This Conservative administration has in the past year alone spent at least five quid on our national pothole repair programme and we will continue to do so. However it’s something of a Sisyphean task. But you know, what people should really do is what I have done. Move to London and become a Government Minister. The City of Westminster has pretty good roads, and anyway you get driven everywhere in a ministerial car, so even if the suspension does get knackered by a ten foot deep pothole it’s the taxpayer who foots the bill and not me.’