In the wake of the Sergei Skripal affair, recently declassified MI5 papers reveal Sir Cliff Richard, was secretly recruited by British intelligence services in the 60s as a front line agent in the Cold War.

Squeaky clean Sir Cliff was given the brief to release his brand of appallingly bland music to act as a smokescreen for his more clandestine activities.

Having then successfully established himself as a sleeper in the pop world without causing any suspicions he was ‘activated’ around the time of his Eurovision appearance in 1968 when his handler, Col. Nigel Peters, encouraged him to “Buddy up with Johnny Foreigner and see what you can find out. There’s a good chap, what?”.

What the ‘Bachelor Boy’ subsequently discovered hasn’t actually been declassified but it’s assumed that whatever it was must have been some pretty serious shit. He went on to remain active in espionage circles until he was stood down from active service returning to the world of pop full-time and inflicting an immense load of old toot on the record-buying public throughout the 80s, before then being knighted for his services to both Queen and country.

Sue Barker, once linked as a potential ‘significant other’ refused to shed further light on the matter telling reporters: ‘Look, we just enjoyed a game of tennis, that’s all. We would meet at Queen’s Club or maybe Wimbledon and knock out a quick one now and again, but that’s as far as it went.”