One Masterchef contestant’s life finally ‘changes for ever’

Gregg Wallace, one of the judges on TV’s Masterchef and who knows fuck all about cooking but nevertheless earns a nice living bellowing ‘two minutes remaining!’ at hapless hopefuls, is at the centre of a media storm today because it seems, at long last, his prediction is to be fulfilled and one contestant’s life is about to ‘change for ever’.

David Wilson, a Company Director from Wilmslow, is starting a five-year prison sentence in Strangeways for attempted GBH against Wallace after admitting he finally ‘lost it with Gregg’ when filming this year’s semi-final.

Defending himself and pleading for leniency after a guilty verdict had been returned, Wilson addressed Mr Justice Featherstone: ‘I was forced into it. Six weeks of him gurning at the camera, talking utter bollcks and cracking on he knows about cooking when the whole country knows he doesn’t just took its toll.’

‘Things came to a head when he suggested what I was going to present to the critics was a ‘confused dish’. Well that was it, I finally snapped and went for him with a filleting knife but he hid underneath the bench and I couldn’t get at him properly. Now, come on, Your Honour, put yourself in my position, what would you have done?’

In his summing-up and before handing down the sentence, Justice Featherstone remarked that he ‘was minded to show some discretion as Mr Wilson was undoubtedly provoked almost beyond all human endurance,’ adding:  ‘but as long as you agree to come round and cook an anniversary dinner for me and my wife then you might be out within a year’.

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