Williamson’s tough-talking rebuke to Russia has Putin cacking his pants

It’s being reported that a pale and wan Vladimir Putin has been seen, shoulders hunched and shuffling around the Kremlin, looking according to one source, as if he’s totally shitting himself, following Tory Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson’s rebuke in the wake of the Sergei Skripal affair.

As Brexiteers across the nation creamed their jeans over Mr Williamson’s, some say Alan Partridge-esque, testosterone-filled volley of condemnation, when he told Russia to ‘Go away and shut up’, other Little Englanders are seeing it as a welcome break from the normal diplomatic niceties traded at such times.

Retired Army Colonel, Digby Manners, now a UKIP party worker told The Today Programme: ‘At last a Minister with spunk! Gallons of it. I only hope that we can somehow persuade him to defect and take on the very important role of the next UKIP Leader.’

And reports are now coming from America that Donald Trump has earmarked Mr Williamson as a potential Head of US Joint Armed Forces. Speaking at The White House he said: ‘Gary Williams is one rough and tough bad-assed hombre. Just the sort of guy we need. The sort of guy who will make America great again. Fact!’

Meanwhile one day on, the man of the moment and toast of his 6th Form Debating Society is believed to have gone into hiding behind his Nan’s sofa.

 

 

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