On today of all days The Union of Stereotypical Irishmen is staging its first ever strike citing that their work is being progressively more dumbed down.

Veteran of many St Patrick’s Day parades and corporate events, Sean O’Shaughnessey, told RTE News: ‘We’re fed up to the feckin’ back teeth having to put on green bowler hats, wear a bright ginger beard, green jacket with a sprig of shamrock in the lapel, britches, checked waistcoat, black brogues with over sized silver buckles and carry a shillelagh over our shoulders saying ‘Faith and begob, top a d’morning to ye Mrs O’Neil, and banging on about da craic being moighty!’

‘Well it’s time to make a stand and enough is enough! No feckin’ Irishman says that shite. We are one of the most intelligent, lyrical, witty and well-read races on the planet. We gave the world James Joyce, Oscar Wilde and Nolan Sisters for Christ sake.’

However appearing on the same programme, Foreign Secretary and arch total fucking gobshite, Boris Johnson moved quickly to show his ignorance and criticise the union’s action hitting back: ‘Now look here, Seamus, or whatever you’re called, Paddy or Mick or something? What are we going to do today as we all we need stereotypical Irishmen for our various events and so on. What you’re saying about stereotypes is absolute piffy-whiffy-waffy poppycock. Next you’ll be claiming that leprechauns and banshees are not real and that Oirish jokes aren’t hilariously funny.’