Cowell and Kyle are big winners as ‘Bone Idle’ set to top Spring schedules

ITV says it’s feeling quietly confident today following what they’re describing as “very positive reaction” to its new primetime offering Bone Idle

The new collaboration between two of the broadcaster’s big hitters, Simon Cowell and Jeremy Kyle, was unveiled earlier as part of ITV 1’s new Spring schedules and it sees a hybrid show that will take the best elements of Cowell’s X Factor and Kyle’s The Jeremy Kyle Show and meld them together into one weekly two hour extravaganza.

A spokesman for the show said, “This is going to be huge. Not only can we promise a glitzy karaoke competition but there will also be mass brawling, ill-advised body piercings, tattoos, bad teeth, morbid obesity, DNA and lie-detector tests aplenty. We’re very excited by what we are sure will trounce the competition hands down.”

Details are sketchy for now but it’s understood that contestants will have to meet certain minimum standards to appear on the programme. They must be receiving Job Seeker’s Allowance or Income Support at the very least. Missing or blackened teeth due to substance abuse will certainly be plus points and having committed incest although not actively encouraged by the show’s producers, will certainly see a possible fast-track offered to the final stages. The show’s spokesman denied that people with names like ‘Max’ or ‘Poppy’ need not apply saying, “Far from it, although there is sure to be no shortage of Dwaynes, Darrens and Chardonnays neverthelass all are welcome to try their hand.”

Auditions for Bone Idle will be held at Job Centre Plus offices across the country in the coming weeks and the programme is set to hit our screens over the May bank holiday weekend. ITV is keeping the identity of the show’s judges a closely guarded secret for now but the smart money is on Kerry Katona making a triumphant return to the big time along with Michael Barrymore.

Meanwhile Iain Duncan Smith has added his voice to the mix. “It’s marvelous to see Mr Cowell and Mr Kyle helping some of our most underprivileged members of society in this new joint venture. It’s too early to say but certainly we can’t rule out the possibility of a benefits fraud prosecution amnesty being offered as part of the prize for the ultimate winner of the show.”

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