Cold snap triggers freak outbreak of friendliness across the Home Counties

The mood of the entire Home Counties appears to have undergone a rare, although what’s thought to be only a temporary metamorphosis today, as unprecedented numbers of people have been spotted being friendly to each other.

Reports from places as far apart as Newbury and Southend tell of total strangers smiling in the street and actually initiating smalltalk such as, “That’s a cold one!” and “Aren’t we meant to be in Spring now, for goodness sake?”.

The change from the normal miserable and insular demeanour towards one another is being attributed to the unseasonably very cold weather which has seen the mercury plummet and temperatures drop to a Baltic -10 degrees in some parts.

Professor of Psychology Barney Lingholm speaking on Sky News explained, “The indigenous Home Counties dweller is without a shadow of a doubt one of the most sour-faced, up-their-own-ass so-and-so you could ever encounter. Normally they would scarcely piss on one another let alone be pleasant. But introduce unusual weather conditions such as snow or sunshine into the equation and it’s a different story. It’s as if you’ve stumbled into some place up north of Warwick and you can’t shut them up. Yak, yak, yakety-yak!”

But lest we all get carried by the current wave of pleasantness, unusual goodwill and bonhomie, the Met Office has moved to reassure people the current conditions are set to change. A warm front is waiting in the wings that will see the South returning to its normal pattern of grey, drab and drizzly blandness by tomorrow afternoon. ‘We’ll all be back to our standoffish best by Tuesday’s rush hour,’ BBC’s Carol Kirkwood told viewers this morning.

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