Putin scores hat-trick as he wins two more hard-fought contests

Russian President, Vladimir Putin, is having quite a week and appears to be on a roll. Because it’s been announced that in addition to him having been re-elected by a landslide majority last weekend, he now looks set to clean up two more keenly-contested competitions.

Russia’s Got Talent’s producers announced today that Mr Putin is to emerge victorious and will be crowned the 2018 winner. A spokesman for the show said: ‘This is an amazing  achievement by our most glorious and incredible President. Particularly when you consider that we actually haven’t started our audition process yet. It just goes to show what a fantastic man he truly is, what with his all-conquering ability to blow any and all opposition away.’

And as if that wasn’t enough it was announced a few hours later that Mr Putin is also to be crowed King in Russia’s version of Masterchef, Masterchefski.

Presenter Sergei Torodeivich said: ‘Once we select this year’s contestants Mister Putin’s grand final show-stopper dish, Beetroot Pavlova napped in a Borscht Foam, will be unbeatable when we start filming in October. His skill in the kitchen will be proven to be unrivaled. It will be amazing to see me and my fellow judge Gregor Wallich and all the other critics, not having even so much as one single bad word to say about any of his dishes throughout the entire process – once it actually starts.’

Meanwhile the Kremlin has moved quickly to refute claims that all three victories have been won by ruthless thuggery and widespread intimidation. It released the following brief statement. ‘Nyet! OKski?’

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