Doyenne of British baking, Mary Berry, has stunned reporters by letting fly a tirade of foul-mouthed four-letter abuse when asked what she thought about today’s announcement that Price Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding cake is to be made by American-born organic baker Claire Ptak.
Arriving for a glitzy lunch engagement at London’s Dorchester Hotel, veteran Berry was clearly caught off guard when told the news, at first laughing and dismissing the story as an early April Fool’s joke. But when it actually sank in, and she realised that it was true, the air suddenly turned blue as the national treasure fired off a volley of XXX-rated abuse.
‘The little ginger s*it! He fu**ing well promised me that cu**ing gig too. I’m the best baker in this country, just ask that total fu*k-head Paul Hollywood and he’ll tell you. Who is this bloody woman anyway? I’ve never heard of the b*tch with her stupid f**king American surname. I bet her cake will be as dry as f**k too. Well all I can say is that I f**king hope they all fuck**g choke on it! The bunch of stuck-up toffee-nosed bastards!’
Whereupon she swept past the media scrum and was later seen in the bar with what looked like a triple gin and tonic and an expression that would have curdled milk.
Meanwhile Mr Kipling who was also thought to be among the front runners to get the nod said: ‘Of course I’m disappointed to have lost a great opportunity myself, although, unlike Mary, I was under no illusions and always knew it was going to be ruddy hard.’