Leader of the Nigel Farage Party, Nigel Farage, is incandescent with rage today as news emerges the company that has won the contract to make the new blue British passports will be a Franco-Dutch business who have successfully undercut the current manufacturers, the venerable, ancient and more British than fish and chips, De La Rue.
An almost apoplectic Mr Farage told reporters: ‘Look here, I didn’t singlehandedly deliver Britain from Europe’s evil stranglehold and win us back our iconic blue passports, only to find out that come 2019 they are to be made in France above all places. And this is because we are still at the mercy of rules implemented by Brussels bureaucrats even though we’re leaving. I’m staggered by this and there is going to be trouble.’
Professor Brian Cox said: ‘This is a very worrying paradoxical wormhole, or something a bit like that, which seems to be opening in our space time continuum, or whatever and shit, and if he’s not careful, Mr Farage is in danger of never having existed, we may well find that we have been in the European Union since the Big Bang and that the June 23rd 2017 referendum never happened and that indeed the world never existed.’
Meanwhile Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson are said to be consoling one another by considering starting a new political party as they have reportedly ‘completely given up’ with what they see as a ‘bungling gaffe-prone Consevative administration’ who are making ‘a total pig’s ear of Brexit’ and making ‘our once great Empire look a laughing stock on the world stage.’