It has been announced today that as a result of Brexit, then from this Summer British holidaymakers holidaying in EU countries such as Spain, Portugal, Greece and Italy will no longer be able to ‘bag’ sun loungers ahead of other EU residents, and that they must be content to have ‘whatever remains’ after the initial early morning rush of placing beach towels has finished.

Speaking from Brussels EU Minister, Franz Hitler, said; ‘It is quite simply really. As the British are no longer members of The EU they will have to forfeit this right which is currently accorded to them. However undoubtedly this will suit their new status of self-elected loners, because as fewer will now be able to acquire a healthy golden tan they will instead  have to make do with looking slightly blue, pasty and pallid, which is after all their natural skin pigmentation.’

But one regular visitor to The Costa del Sol, Tracey Elsdon a part-time model from Billericay, was livid on hearing the news. ‘This just ain’t fair. I go to Marbella six times a year to top up my tan, for my shoots and that, and I ain’t going to be very happy having to run around looking like a bleeding ghost! I wish I’d voted to remain now.’

Meanwhile Nigel Farage has entered the debate telling reporters: ‘They can’t do this in my view, but if they do persist and go ahead with it then British people need to kick off in a big way. Instead of going to the Costas and so on we should all book our hard-earned fortnights and long weekends in the pouring torrential rain and freezing cold of somewhere like Margate or Blackpool. That would soon show the Europeans what they can do with their fantastic climate, cuisine and sunshine.’

‘Believe me there really is quite a lot to be said for sitting in some scabby B&B or clapped-out old caravan park, praying for the sun to come out and the temperature to rise above 5 degrees while playing dominoes and eating tripe and onions for dinner.’