Branagh and Poirot mustache announce ‘amicable split’

It’s been announced that Sir Kenneth Branagh and his Hercule Poirot mustache have split amicably and by mutual consent.

The mustache told Mark Kermode: ‘It was always really a marriage of convenience as far as I was concerned. I was fresh out of Wig School and finding my way in the cinematic face-furniture business and Ken wanted an arresting facial ‘wow factor’ for his portrayal of Poirot, so us forming a partnership just seemed perfect. And no, I certainly don’t regret our time together… actually it’s all very amicable between us. We’re still best of friends.’

The fabulous fuzz went on to add: ‘The experience has given me the profile I was seeking to be able to go on to bigger and better things and I have learnt such a lot in our time together. And who knows, if there’s an Orient Express sequel then neither of us has ruled out reprising the relationship.’

Sir Ken has been keeping a low profile since the news broke but released the following statement on his website. I can confirm that the rumours are true and that me and my Poirot mustache have gone our separate ways. We had some great times together and I wish it well in all its future endeavours. I’m pleased to have been able to play some small part in launching a new star in the business.

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