Shock as whistleblower claims F1 is an elaborate hoax

News is emerging that Grand Prix racing is nothing more than an elaborate game show with the cars controlled behind the scenes in much the same way as a child’s Scalextric set is.

Because today to coincide with the start of the new season a whistleblower from within the industry makes the sensational claim that rather than drivers demonstrating phenomenal levels of bravery, skill and excellence all cars are in fact guided round the track by concealed slots just underneath the road surface.

The former pit-lane technician who wants to remain anonymous goes on to say: ‘It’s a farce! Even before the first race is run the outcome of the season has already been finalised. Each round is simply a moneymaking exercise in selling tickets and TV advertising rights. It’s just some guys behind the scenes running the cars around the track using modified slot-racing hand throttles.’

And former ‘F1 nut’, Oscar Ryan, agrees: ‘The whole thing has become nothing but a mindlessly boring procession. I’d sooner go up the park and watch my eight year-old, Maximillian, playing football with his little chums. At least that would be more exciting and hold my interest for longer. F1 these days is total pants. The Grid Girls were the only reason I watched it last season and now they’ve been binned off I’m out!’

But the sport has been quick to hit back with supremo Chase Carey saying: ‘F1 is an amazing sport it always has been. These allegations are nonsense. We generate billions around the world, most of which I and the other executives earn a fortune from in perks and fabulous salaries, so you can tell this whistleblower guy from me that he’s wrong. So there!’

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