Sticky labels on the bottom of glassware and crockery to be banned.

A crackdown has been announced on the manufacturers of cups, plates, mugs and glasses that will force them to stop putting that annoying fiddly little sticky label on the bottom of their products that refuses to peel off, even if it’s dipped in a bath of sulphuric acid.

Said one consumer services spokesman: ‘It’s time to act now. I mean what the hell are they even for except to piss you off when you’re scraping and scraping and scraping at them in a futile attempt to get them off cleanly?’

And housewife Jean Marshall agrees: ‘I bought four new mugs for the family in Tesco and despite soaking them first and then spending another three hours at the sink it was a nightmare. There are still little black marks of residual adhesive stuck to the bottom that won’t budge, and that was over three years ago!!’

The Samaritans have welcomed the move saying: ‘Finally a victory for common sense, and as a result we anticipate having to deal with up to 200 fewer suicide attempts this year because people will no longer be pushed to breaking point.’

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