Sources close to the veteran Liverpudlian funnyman, Jimmy Tarbuck, say that he is near to boiling point today, but not for having been served a tepid cappuccino or a cold cafe latte by international coffee giant, Starbucks. On the contrary, because what has affable Jim in a right froth is an injunction for infringement of the copyright of their name.
A spokesman for the global corporation said: ‘We have worked hard to build up our brand since the the 1970s and we simply will not allow it to be tarnished by any johnny-come-lately trying to cash-in on our name. We suggest he considers adopting another stage name, maybe something like Bernard Manning or Frank Carson, otherwise we will have no option but to file suit to preserve our interest.’
However Jimmy has let it be known that he intends to fight the case if needs be. Speaking to reporters outside his golf club he said: ‘These cheeky sods don’t worry me. A johnny-come-lately? Me? I don’t think so. I’ll have this lot know that I was in the public eye hosting Sunday Night at the London Palladium in the 60s long before they ever appeared on the scene.’
‘But anyway, never mind all that, here’s one for you – What’s the difference between Starbucks and a prostitute? Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! Boom-boom! And… why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage? Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce! Hey-hey! Yep, I’ve still got it. Right, see you hacks at the courthouse.’