Dickinson slams royal wedding china as cheap and nasty shite

David (The Duke) Dickinson has surprised many in the antiques world today by coming out and slamming a range of commemorative mugs, plates and other chinaware, produced for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding, as cheap and nasty tat that will be worth nothing in years to come.

Speaking in his trademark third person singular style he said: ‘The Duke has looked at all this stuff and you’re all probably wondering what The Duke thinks of it. Well he thinks it’s a load of old cheap and nasty shite. That’s what he thinks. The Duke says that you’d be better off keeping the boxes it comes in as they are likely to be worth more than the stuff itself. The Duke’s overall opinion is that it’s cynically produced worthless junk.’

But one avid memorabilia collector and staunch Royalist from Canvey Island, Dot Harbottle, has hit back: ‘No that ain’t fair and I think it’s all lovely. So much so that I have spent all me remaining lifesavings, around £50,000, buying an articulated lorryload of forty thousand items, and when I sell it all in a few years we’ll see who’s laughing then. Mind, Gawd only knows where the hell I’m going to keep it in the facking meantime.’

But the last word goes to The Duke himself. ‘You know, to paraphrase legendary showman PT Barnum – there’s a mug born every minute – but The Duke says that as long as there are gullible old dears like Dot around then there’s going to be one sold every minute!’

‘So don’t say the Duke hasn’t warned you all. And now why not call in on this premium-rate number for a chance to win 20 grand!’

Image badly researchd and  photoshopped by Sandra our new temp in Blether art dept.

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