The Samaritans has made an urgent plea to television drama producers, begging them to stop commissioning and screening dark, gritty psychological dramas such as Dr Foster, Broadchurch and anything from Scandinavia.

A spokesman for the charity commented, ‘In recent years we have been overrun with calls during transmission of these types of shows, and when you add all of Piers Morgan’s self-serving junk into the mix, which in itself is more than enough to compel ordinary people to seriously consider self-harming, it’s just becoming all too much for our phone counsellors to handle.’

Derek Allen, a regular contributor to BBC’s Points of View blog agrees. ‘It’s all just doom and gloom these days. What ever happened to nice family shows like The Good Old Days, Love Thy Neighbour and The Black and White Minstrel Show? They made us all feel happy. Now all we ever get is murder, miserable faces, scary music and people stumbling about in pitch darkness’, adding ‘Particularly as Ant and Dec are snookered now.’

Meanwhile in what appears to corroborate The Samaritans’ claim, responding to a freedom of information request, East Sussex Emergency Services confirmed that on sixty-three separate occasions in one month alone they were called to Beachy Head to talk down ‘jumpers’, and that was only during the Christmas Day episode of EastEnders.