The NYPD has issued an APB on Donald Trump’s wig. The ginger frizz-ball is believed to be armed and dangerous and members of the public are being advised not to approach it under any circumstances.
Sargent Alvin Stadenko told reporters, “Hey what can I tell youse guys for Chrissakes? The crazy-guy wig’s on the lam and we believe it may want to settle a grudge against The Donald. Mr Trump has had a team of crack FBI agents assigned to him for his own personal safety until we catch this one goddam son of a bitch deranged toupee.”
The move ends speculation that Trump and his wig shared an easy-going relationship, and psychologists now believe that the ‘piece’ only agreed to sit atop Trump’s head to get its cap inside The White House. However it’s now become clear that the relationship was purely one of convenience, and experts seem united in their belief that the wig has embarked on a desperate death or glory attempt to go it alone.
Trump issued the following communique earlier. “My son, Don Jr, and my daughter, Ivanka, are great business people. The best business people. They have made it to where they are today without the slightest hint of nepotism. FACT! And they are standing by me at what is a difficult time for the family.”
Reports that the wig raided a beauty parlour on the corner of 49th and 12th could not be confirmed, but it’s known that the hapless hairdo hasn’t had any ‘product’ applied to it now for at least 12 hours so it’s sure to be getting more desperate with each passing hour.
Cops hope that they can take the wig alive if it does break cover, but the possibility that it might have to be gunned down in cold blood like a rabid dog cannot be ruled out.
One hairdresser to the stars who wished to remain anonymous warned the authorities against doing anything that would provoke the rug into wreaking havoc out there in the big city, and he has offered to give it a free shampoo and trim if it gives itself up quietly.