A research study published today looks set to devastate the hopes and dreams of middle class couples across the land, because if its findings are correct it appears that no one but parents themselves could give a shite about their ‘wonderful and amazing kids’.

Professor William Morrow who led the project explains: ‘We interviewed over six thousand middle class people who have friends with two children, typically one boy and one girl, and their views were nearly all identical. They hate hearing about ‘The little bastards’ of their peers with a passion.’

‘One respondent actually told our researcher that they had to hand themselves into the police for fear of committing murder on two particularly ‘fucking obnoxious little prigs’ of their acquaintance. Seemingly it took two years of counselling for them to work through all the pent up feelings of deeply repressed hatred and loathing before it was safe to visit their friends again.’

However mum of two, Rowena Phipps-Potter, who runs a dress hire business in affluent Chalfont St Peter disagrees vehemently. ‘I simply cannot accept this research as being anything other than totally erroneous. Poppy and Myles, our two darling children, are quite simply amazing. Everyone within our circle of friends says so and never grows tired, when at dinner parties, Gyles, my husband, and I, talk about them incessantly.’

‘And you know, may I just add this. Our Christmas round-robin letters are eagerly anticipated by one and all I can tell you.’