The government has announced today that it is to introduce a vote recycling scheme.
Details are sketchy at the moment but it is understood that votes previously cast may be recycled at the polling station where they were first cast, whereupon any member of the electorate doing this will be credited with an ounce of common sense and promised five pounds off their income tax.
The new system is to be trialled later in the year using the 2016 EU Referendum as the control sample in order to assess vote recycling’s effectiveness. A Junior Minister said: ‘The electorate can soon expect to see vote recycling cards come their letterboxes in the next few weeks. When all have been distributed the government will then designate a new date for the referendum, and if you wish to reverse your vote you can simply present the card at the polling station on re-polling day and change your mind.’
However some critics have claimed that the five pounds the vote-recyclers were to be given, will instead somehow be siphoned off illegally and given to the Brexiteers, to cover the costs incurred for the purchase of a new bus in the run-up to re-polling day, in order to spread more utter bollocks about how £1000 million per week will be given back to the nation to fund the NHS and repatriate all foreigners ‘back to where they belong’.
Meanwhile Nigel Farage is said to be livid after hearing the news and is threatening to bring an injunction through the High Court to block the move. The puffed-up windbag told The World at One: ‘This is nothing but a common sense move by a hopelessly out of touch Prime Minister designed to get her out of the absolute shambles and unholy mess Britain now finds itself in after the vote to leave somehow won in 2016