‘Commonwealth Games are more important than Olympics’ Boris

Despite news channels attempting to ‘big-up’ the significance of The Commonwealth Games, many of the British public and indeed the rest of the world aren’t convinced.

Said one stubble-bearded Islington resident: ‘The concept of The Commonwealth is an arcane throwback to Britain’s shameful imperialist past and should be consigned to the scrapheap of history.’

‘Also by their very nature these games exclude many of the world’s best athletes making them a total irrelevance. They may as well be a local school sports day for all the weight they carry. They’re as important as that American Rounders competition, the so-called World Series.’

But one games participant, Hamish McDougal, from Team Scotland has hit back: ‘Those who decry the importance of the games are just jealous because they aren’t there. I trained long and hard to win my Bronze in Fidget Spinning and no one can ever, or indeed will ever, take it away from me.’

Meanwhile Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson was also quick to defended the games: ‘You know these games remind me of when I was at Prep School and Eton. Play up! Play up! and play the game! That’s the ticket. I say, I was once told by my Form Master, Dr Bulstrode, that if I hadn’t gone into a career as a Kamikaze Diplomat, I’d have made quite a splendid Wiff Waff player. Ha-ha! Anyway, I must get on with insulting some other nations now. Toodle-pip and chin-chin!’

 

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