Plans are at an advanced stage that look set to implement a total ban on companies from appending the word ‘Solutions’ to their van liveries and general signage.

A spokesman for the government said: It’s becoming just too stupid for words. Most companies who use it do so inappropriately and we need to move to stop it. It’s making Britain look like a nation of morons, particularly as more often than not those who insist on using it add a completely incorrect apostrophe.’

‘I mean only yesterday I saw a commercial vehicle with ‘Dave Williams Grass Cutting Solutions’ written on it. What are they seeking to solve for goodness sake? A required solution is indicative of a problem of some sort and has negative connotations. Was Dave indicating that he would help find a cut grass that had vanished or perhaps that had taken to hard drugs? Pure drivel! He cuts grass, simple as. Under the new law it will be Dave Williams – Grass Cutting. That’s all that is necessary.’

But the Association of Fuck-witted Small Traders doesn’t agree. Chairman of the Association, Nigel Drabble, told ITV: ‘Our members should be allowed to use ‘solutions’. If they think it implies a certain je ne sais quoi and gives a greater sense of gravitas to the business then why not? Well be assured that we intend to fight this proposal and will not back down until the government comes up with an alternative solution.’