Prog Rock to be decriminalised

The news is sure to be welcomed by dope-smoking daydreamers and airheads the length and breadth of the land, as it will no longer mean they have to hide their copies of Yes, Genesis and ELP albums for fear of being handed down lengthy prison terms.

‘Moon Dreamer’, a Prog fan from Bolton, visibly moved and with tears in his eyes said:  ‘Wow! Like this is so amazing, to think I soon might be able to order a new copy of Tales From Topographic Oceans on Amazon and not get raided by the Fuzz as a result is really mind-blowing…well it would be if my mind wasn’t totally blown already.’

Since the rise of Prog’s antitheses, punk pock, in the late 70s, it has been illegal to purchase, own, play or even hum a bar of progressive rock music.  Over the years this has driven illicit trading in genre into the back streets, but more recently and disturbingly onto the murky world of the dark web.  Last month a copy of Caravan’s In the Land of Grey and Pink was being touted for an eye-watering £3500.

However it may not be all plain sailing because reacting furiously to the decriminalisation news, Simon Cowell, vowed to fight it very inch of the way.  He told the BBC: ‘I haven’t spent the last twenty years expanding my stable of bland, ghastly formulaic pop artists only to see them swept away by real music being played by proper musicians.’

Nevertheless Rick Wakeman, cape-toting bearded keyboardist and raconteur with iconic Prog legends, Yes, has hit back at Cowell saying:  ‘The writing is finally on the wall for him and his ilk, and when Prog is once more legal you can certainly expect to see me, a fifty-five piece orchestra and a cast of forty singers and musicians performing my new concept album, The Wooden Horse of Troy, on the ice at Wembley Arena’.

Meanwhile Prog’s Lord High Executioner, John Lydon was unavailable for comment.  His management told us: ‘He’s at a secret location shooting next year’s Christmas ad for John Lewis.’

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