The political future of Jacob Rees-Mogg is today in the balance following damning revelations that he has been living a double life for the past twenty years and that he is not in fact who he has claimed to be all this time.
Working undercover, two investigative journalists from The Guardian have unearthed conclusive proof that Mr Rees-Mogg is in fact none other than Augustus (Gussie) Fink-Nottle, a fictional character created by novelist and humorist PG Wodehouse.
And it could not be worse for the upper class MP for North East Somerset, as it has now come to light that in his youth he was a high profile member of the infamous Drones Club in London’s affluent Mayfair, where along with other wealthy members he became involved in all kinds of high jinks and rannygazoo.
On one notable occasion he was instrumental in jamming a life-size moose in the doorway of the club, making it necessary for the local Fire Brigade to come and cut it free. The event made all the more significant as HRH Prince Edward was in attendance and was made late for an important charity engagement as a result.
Said one Tory backbencher; ‘This looks bad. Now had he been a leading light in The Bullingdon Club then that would have been acceptable. Our supporters are so bloody stupid they will accept that, particularly the ones who are on the breadline and haven’t even got a pot to piss in. They are utter fucking morons. But I’m afraid association with The Drones is the death knell for Jacob or Gussie, or whatever he’s called. He can kiss any ambitions as a future PM goodbye.’
And the house of cards may not stop falling in on itself just yet, as there are further rumours circulating that other prominent Tories are also Wodehousian fictional constructs who have changed their identities. Boris Johnson is believed to be Tuppy Glossop, Theresa May is accused of being his sister, Honoria Glossop, and Michael Gove is thought to be Bingo Little, the absent-minded pal of arch fathead, Bertram (Bertie) Wilberforce Wooster. All of whom have lived idle, wasteful and completely feckless lives in their youth.
Upon hearing the allegations Jeremy Corbyn remarked: ‘Suddenly everything begins to make perfect sense to me.’