Amazon has announced it’s starting a new service from next week that will see customers with a brain able to pay to have a panel of readers read the Daily Mail and then arrange to get angry, bitter and twisted on their behalf.
It’s understood customers will then be sent a hate-filled email and so be able to experience irrational rage and ill-informed bigotry vicariously through the eyes of a typical Daily Mail-reading moron.
A spokesman for the online retailer said: ‘We expect there to be quite a significant uptake for the service as it will mean those members of the public who are not homophobes, xenophobes or racists can be kept abreast of what morons and idiots are thinking, say on Brexit for example, without the stress of reading it for themselves.’
Gyles Monroe, a Vicar from Chalfont St Peter has welcomed the service. ‘I once was given a complementary copy of the Daily Mail when I stayed at a Holiday Inn. By the time I had finished reading it I found myself having severe palpitations and foaming at the mouth with rage. It was only when my Curate pointed out that it was nothing but made-up, nasty, evil, hate-fueled drivel, that I managed to calm down.’
The Amazon spokesman continued: ‘Our research shows that cover-to-cover The Mail is nothing but ill-researched vile and irrational hatred, lies and bigoted nonsense designed for members of society with, and I’m guessing here, an IQ of below 30.’
‘To read it even once is an experience normal right-thinking people would never wish to have again, even if they had done so by mistake, therefore we have high hopes for the service. If it does well then we already have plans to extend it to cover The Express.’