The Government’s plan to reduce the stakes on fixed odds betting terminals has caused the gambling industry to respond quickly, and its understood that they will be introducing a trial of online Nigella Bingo, with a no limits wager, in time for her next TV series in the Summer.
An industry spokesman explained how it will work. ‘Basically as we all know, Nigella’s shows are little more than thinly-veiled double entendres and pure unadulterated filth. So betting companies will simply produce a sort of online card before each episode with fixed odds being offered on certain phrases or words she may say. We’ll likely include gestures and looks to camera too.’
‘So for example, if she was to say “My ample and plumptious dumplings” then we may be offering that at 5/1. “Nice and moist” might be at evens, and perhaps a combination of “I’ll bring it up to a really stiff peak” accompanied by a smouldering pout and cheeky wink to camera, apart from causing a national melt-down of the male population, might be 100/1.’
The spokesman went on to say that if the pilot scheme is successful, then there are already plans to roll the concept out to shows such as Poldark and Strictly Come Dancing along with many others, with the necessary game-play tweaks to suit each particular show.
Meanwhile Ray Winstone told reporters: ‘Sounds like a bit of a plan, although if I was ever invited round to Nigella’s gaff for dinner, then let me assure you that the ‘fun’ would never stop.’