Calamitous mop-headed buffoon, Boris Johnson, is on his way to America where he intends to ‘talk with those Yankee chaps about saving the world’.

Speaking to press at Heathrow as he left for Washington Boris said: ‘I’m meeting, oh… gosh…umm…what’s his name… err…Spike…. Spike Spence, I think he’s called. Yes Spike, old Spikey, that’s it, and we’re going to chew the fat about nuclear weapons that some chaps have… and then I think there’s something about a deal that needs doing in some place in some country somewhere or other. Then when we sort that out I’m hoping to pop over to Broadway and catch a show. It’s all going to be oojah-cum-spiff. Hurrah!’

However his remarks have left political commentators deeply concerned that Johnson is once more not entirely up to the job Foreign Secretary. On this morning’s show, and clearly thrown after the VT of Johnson’s comments, Andrew Marr was heard to sigh under his breath: ‘Fucking hell!’

Meanwhile Theresa May speaking on LBC said: ‘Oh that’s just Boris. You know he’s just a big cuddly silly old sausage, but I’m in no doubt whatsoever his meeting with Spike will be a complete success.’