Research published today comes to the conclusion that American superstar Kanye West ‘isn’t really very good at music at all.’ The research project carried out by The London College of Music was headed up by Professor Brian Lingholm and published its findings amid a barrage of controversy and anger from West’s global fan base.

One such fan is, DJ The Rt Honourable Sir Rafe Digby-Carruthers, a rapper and mix master who ‘throws out some well-banging beats and wicked grooves’ at High Society parties in London’s glitzy Mayfair club scene.

Wearing a back-to-front top-hat and several gold chains that would be strong enough to tie up an ocean liner he commented: ‘I say, Bro. Kanye’s a real cool kick-bottom type of bloke, or if you will, dood. Do you get me? To dis’ him like this is quite appalling… do you know what I am saying, and shit and that etcetera, Bro?

But Professor Lingholm remains adamant. Speaking on BBC 6 Music he told Stuart Maconie: ‘Kanye’s music is nothing more than posturing coupled with tuneless talking, in what I must say, is really rather poor English indeed. The constituent parts are just attitude without any  substance whatsoever.’

‘He is a perfect example of being able to fool a lot of people a lot of the time. It would be an awful choice to have to make, but were I to be forced to have to do so, then I would even pick Jedward ahead of Mr West every time.’