With complete turmoil still raging in Royal circles over who is to give Meghan Markle away at the wedding on Saturday, former tabloid editor, turned the nation’s most opinionated gobshite and TV’s biggest anchor, Piers Morgan, has stepped in to ‘save the day’.
Speaking on Good Morning Britain while ignoring glamorous co-host, Susanna Reid, Morgan told himself in an exclusive interview: ‘I couldn’t stand by and watch this madness any longer and so therefore for the good of the nation I am stepping in and taking control.’
‘Forget her dad who, by the way, is a total disgrace and a bum,’ added the former Mirror Man, ‘he’s history and now because of my altruism and selflessness our new princess is being given away by an icon. With me she gets a guy who not only is amazing and brilliant but who also knows and can call Donald Trump a close personal friend.’
Morgan then went on to tell viewers that on hearing the news a source close to Buckingham Palace said: ‘This is the best possible news we could have received and it will now steady the ship and allow calm to return to what should be a dignified occasion.’
‘Mr Morgan will be perfect to give the bride away and we now envisage everything will be fine, as long as when he’s done his bit he then retires to his seat and doesn’t demand to take over as the groom!’