Derek Peters from Skipton’s life has been turned on its head within the space of 24 hours after responding to the social media debate earlier this week when he tweeted: I can hear both yanny and laurel in equal measure.
Because no sooner had he done so when his house was besieged by a gang of complete and utter fuck-wits seeking install him as the head of their wacky cult, Chugholon.
High Priest Soltrana, Custodian of the Chugholon Scrolls, also known as Barry Perkins, a thirty six-year old accountant from Droitwich said: ‘The scrolls tell of a sundering between the ancient Gods, Yanny and Laurel, and of a Great One coming who can be at ease with both. He shall be the Messiah!’ ‘
‘We have asked Derek to foresake his life in Skipton and to live with us and lead us into the Bright New Dawn, so often mentioned in the sacred text of the scrolls. We were made-up when he agreed.’
A confused Derek, now called Jubumbamba, confirms that he has indeed agreed and told BBC News: ‘I’ll admit this has come as something of a shock but I’ve agreed to lead the cult. It might be a bit of a giggle to be fair. They say I will never have to pay for anything ever again which works for me because I hate my job as a bin man.’
‘I think I’ll be able to adapt to all the mumbo jumbo and daft rituals Chugholon has because I was Catholic right up to my mid-forties.’