After years of head-scratching and brain-racking it can finally be revealed ‘just who does German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, remind you of?’
‘It’s been driving me bonkers for years now, says Teaching Assistant, Nadia Preece. ‘Every time she pops up on the TV I ask my husband this and neither of are sure but we both agree she’s the dead spit of someone we know. We just can’t place her though. Ohh gosh, it’s so annoying.’
And father of four, Simon Etheridge agrees. ‘She’s one of those people. She doesn’t look like an international statesperson at all. She’s so… what can I say? ordinary…. but yet so oddly familiar.’
However much to the relief of millions the mystery may have finally been solved by a face recognition software company based in Cambridge.
After a year of intensive facial profiling it turns out that Mrs Merkel looks like ‘that funny-looking woman always hanging around the back of churches at funerals and weddings who’s not family and who hasn’t been invited, but who nevertheless just shows up for the hell of it.
‘That’s why we all think we know her, explains Richard Parr, CEO of FacePlace. ‘After our extensive sample profiling we concluded Mrs Merkel is essentially no woman and she’s yet every woman.’
And now it’s hoped that as the conundrum has been solved the nation can move forward and turn its attention to more lofty questions like: ‘is Boris Johnson the biggest incompetent tosser ever to have entered British politics?’