Reports are emerging that Daily Mail Editor, Paul Dacre, who announced that he’s stepping down from the position he’s held for twenty-six years, is to be replaced by a genetically engineered super-racist android.
The android, named Adbensi, is believed to have a state-of-the-art AI software chip based on the collective philosophies of Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini with just a smidge of Simon Cowell’s control-freakery melded in; Cowell having been selected just in case anyone in-house gets ideas above their station.
One sub-editor said: ‘Paul has done a great job in spreading racial hatred, xenophobia and mindless bigotry throughout Britain whilst steering the ship, but he just felt that it was time to ramp it all up a few notches. So enter Adbensi as the natural successor. We’re all excited as we think the new boss will be taking on his new duties as soon a July 1st.
Nigel Farage is reported to be disappointed at having been passed over for the job himself, but nevertheless has now given his full support to Adbensi. Speaking on Sky News he said: ‘Of course I’m gutted with the result but I’m heartened that we will now get a Brexit that I and other morons can be proud of. Indeed I believe the new editor is to come out swinging, by championing a new national campaign calling to have the Channel Tunnel pumped full of concrete.’