Jacob Rees-Mogg has landed a starring role in this year’s Summer Festival Drama Night being staged by the Timsbury Village Hall Players. The show is based on a previously unpublished PG Wodehouse short story entitled What-ho Chaps! and Mr Rees-Mogg is to play the part of Bonzo Bassington-Bassington, who according to a press release on the village’s website, is a well-meaning chap but essentially something of an awkward oddball socially.
Speaking in the Timsbury parish newsletter the MP told its editor: ‘My character is a classicist scholar who holds the Medieval Bible Studies Seat at an unspecified Cambridge College. Dash it all, I see him as a sort of action man-cum-hero, although perhaps quite a serious chap too.’
However it appears that there may just be something of a storm brewing in sleepy Somerset, for in the final scene, according to a leaked copy of the script, Mr Rees-Mogg will have to appear on stage totally naked save for a fig leaf covering his modesty. It’s all caused when a frightful mix-up occurs involving some hamsters, a beagle called Trevor and a four foot long bright-pink loofah.
It’s unclear whether the hapless hero is currently aware of this ‘bit of business’ as rehearsals are at the preliminary read-through stage, but already one of the Tory Party’s big beasts has got wind of it and is not happy.
A blustering Boris Johnson told reporters: ‘Oh my giddy aunt. What on earth is old Moggy thinking of? I-I-I-I-I…I mean…erm…we simply cannot have anyone in the Party looking like an upper-class buffoon in this current climate. So if I might make a modest plea to my honourable colleague, I would simply ask him to consider comporting himself in a similar fashion to that of my own, and if he does so, then he will find his actions beyond ridicule.’