Boris delighted as May buys into mythical Brexit Dividend

It’s being reported that following the announcement at the weekend by Theresa May of a major cash injection for the NHS, part funded by the so-called ‘Brexit Dividend’, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has been on a vintage champagne-fueled bender ever since.

A source close to the bull-in-a-china-shop galumphing buffoon told BBC Breakfast: ‘When Boris heard the news he was beside himself with euphoria and excitement. He knew there was never any such dividend, but because Mrs May is so frightened as he closes in on her job she has decided to play along with the deception in a vain attempt to save her own skin.’

One overworked Junior Registrar working in a Manchester A&E Department commented: ‘We are delighted by the news of the extra funding and couldn’t care less about the Tories barefaced lies about how it’s to be funded.’

Robert Bulstrode, a tax expert with City firm Bulstrode Bulstrode Bulstrode Phipps Hannigan and Bulstrode said: ‘I’d like to reassure all stinking filthy-rich people that they need not fret over this, because the money to fund this will be found by taxing the ‘ordinary worker’ through PAYE contributions.’

‘People like us, along with major corporations needn’t worry at all because all of their offshore dodges, bent schemes and loopholes will remain unaffected. And the real beauty here is that the privileged will still be able to get specialist NHS treatment when their private health plans haven’t got the facilities to carry out necessary procedures. It’s a perfect win-win.’

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