Class election sparks a right old ding-dong at top Berkshire school

Two women have been arrested in a school playground after a violent and serious assault on one another at a top people’s prep school.

It’s understood the trouble began after one mother, Marian Phillips, was unable to endure the vomit-inducing bragging of another, Mrs Jane Piquet, regarding her son, six year-old Caspian, who had been elected Class President in a close-run vote that had seen Marion’s son, Theodore, who is also six, defeated in a recount.

The unsightly fracas broke out at the £10000 per term Lord Henry Bagshot Academy in leafy Wokingham in Berkshire. The school has quite a reputation for preparing its boys, the creme de la creme of society kids, for their future educations at Eton College, Harrow and Charterhouse schools.

One parent said: ‘It was like Brexit referendum all over again and before anyone could step in to defuse the situation it got completely out of hand with the two women rolling around on the ground like a that Brazilian footballer Naymer.’

Both families have referred reporters to their respective solicitors and have said they do not wish to comment on the matter any further. Meanwhile the headmaster, Lawrence Pethig, has declared both boys out of the running and warded the Presidency to Justin Timmings, who had been a rank outsider in the contest.

Barry Clapp, Headmaster of the neighbouring  St Olaf’s Secondary Modern, told ITV Meridian News: ‘And there you have in a nutshell the trouble with this country’s two tier education system. These privileged toffs are a disgrace but I have no doubt that both boys will now go on to have dazzling careers in the Conservative Party in the coming years.’

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